1.  Started knitting again!  I just haven't been into it this year, but now that we are settled in the house I feel ready to start some projects (right before Christmas, of course. . . ).  Most things in my head are UT related (orange and white scarves, gloves, etc) since I'll be walking around campus in the cold months of the new year. 

2.  Handed in my "resignation" at my clinic job, effective Dec 19th.  We had all discussed it previously.  It was so sad!  I really do love those people and doubt I'll ever find such a fun group of people to work with.  I would work there forever if I felt I could.  Good news is that I could rejoin the practice after I graduate as a nurse.  Even though I'd be in a different department I would still be with a good organization, but this time they could pay me better, offer more job security, and promote me on a career path ; P

3.  Teaching is still lots of fun.  I'm lecturing on the central nervous system next week.  The students are totally tired, burned out, and looking forward to the Christmas break.  Even though I love this stuff, I'm looking forward to the break too.

1.  After living in our house since July, I would have to say that we are now fully settled into our chaos.  There are still boxes unpacked, but I'm thinking of shoving them in a closet to get ready for my family to come over at Thanksgiving.

2.  My last day at the clinic will be December 19th.  I was going to work through Dec 31 so I could have one more paycheck until classes begin on Jan 13th, but I decided we could eat Ramen until then because I need a g'damn break before throwing myself into full time study for the next few years.  I'd like to be with Selena for her winter break too.   I now have short timer's syndrome, and basically just want to leave because I've made up my mind to leave, but I'm stuck in that horrible place where I've been nice and given them plenty of notice to hire a replacement, but my mind is already dreaming about going back to college while my body is still stuck at work.  At the same time I am very sad to be leaving them.  They are such good people.  However, since the partners split my position has gone down the tubes, I no longer feel useful there.  They have been struggling to make me "fit" the entire year, but  the decision to serve Medicare really wrecked things for me.  They have such restrictive policies regarding patient care the the support staff to the physical therapists are completely impotent in administering patient care.  Only PTs can interface with them, not massage therapists, not athletic trainers, etc.  So I kept being put in jobs that I didn't really want to do because they were trying to do right by us all and keep us in our jobs.  But doing other random work wasn't satisfying for me, and I didn't see it changing for the future.  I just didn't want to continue that way.   Furthermore, I feel like I'm just not using all I have, so I need to expand my knowledge base.  Now seems to be the best time.   I was worried about giving up a job in this economy and replacing my income with financial aid, but it would appear that my job isn't secure for much longer anyway.

All my applications and financial aid are complete with UTK.  Just signing up for classes is left, which I will not stress out about because the Financial Aid was the big hurdle for me.  Classes?  No problem.  H's financial aid should come through in November, and then we will both *exhale* and start the new year with no worries.

I am having a little "WTF am I doing?" moment.  I have always worked full time, and now I won't be doing that.  Instead, I'll be working part-time and going to school full time.  It feels weird at my age (35 and one day), and I'm not liking being called a "non-traditional student" .  That makes me sound like the "old lady" taking classes with all the young kids.  On the flip side, reports show that students who are over 25 make up 47 percent of the new and returning student population on most college campuses.  So I shouldn't be the only old lady there. 

H will continue to do Real Estate, I will continue to teach Massage Therapy at night school.  Really, not much is changing except how we spend the hours between our jobs.  I guess I'll watch alot less TV!

1.  Total 11.6 lbs lost.  I'm happy with that, and re-committed to eating well and continuing weight loss goals to total 20 lbs.  I'm more than halfway there!

2.  Still waiting for UT to review my transfer credits.  Still.

3.  Teaching is going well.  However, my day job that I have always enjoyed has taken a downturn since the partners parted ways earlier this year in January.  I was sort of hanging around to see how things would turn out.  Now it has been 10 months and I'm not incredibly  pleased.    I love the people I work with, but my responsibilities are not the same (and have been downgraded, in a way), support for growing the massage therapy services just isn't there anymore, and I'm just feeling frustrated.  Lots of changes have happened that have contributed to this, mostly the addition of Medicare patients which doesn't recognize massage therapy for insurance reimbursement - so we have a whole population of patients that I can't work on, and there just aren't enough "other" patients for me to work on.  Advertising dollars are going to other services (like Medicare) and I just feel like massage is a dying service there anymore.  *sigh* 

1.  Weekend at home was much needed.  I puttered around the house.  I like to putter.

2.  Went to Norris Dam today and walked over the dam with H.  It was nice just being outdoors with my Sweetpea, no agenda, no schedule to follow.

3.  I tried something new today - a bean burrito from Taco Bell.  Usually, I despise Taco Bell and avoid it at all costs.  I believe I have only had 3 things on the menu in the past - a taco, a mexican pizza, and Nachos Bell Grande.   I actually liked the bean burrito, and it isn't as bad for you as a burger and fries, so I may have found my new meal on the run.  Livin' on the edge. . . that's me. . .

Rough week. I'm exhausted like I haven't been for a long time.  Emotionally, I'm burned out.  But I'm resting for the entire weekend and should be on the upswing in a few short days.  In fact, just making the decision to rest makes me feel like I'm on the upswing already.

1.  Still waiting on UTK to review my transcripts from UMUC/Europe.  I called UMUC and they said that the transcript could take 1-3 weeks to get stateside, then UTK said once it hits their mailroom it could take 8-10 days after that.  I say bullshit to both of them.  But I'll be patient and play the game, because that is what getting my little piece of paper is all about.  Age and experience brings a different perspective to the college experience.

2.  Portals was great this weekend.  At least I think it was.  I was in the kitchen the entire time.  I heard lots of screaming during the day and especially at night while I was trying to sleep at the back of the tavern.  I was exhausted by Sunday. 

Portals is this weekend.  I'm keeping tavern.  I still have to leave site on Saturday morning to teach in Knoxville from 9-12.  I figured I would not ask for a substitute whenever possible, because when the larping season is in full swing it would appear that I'm asking for every other Saturday off (because I have other events beside LARPing to consider as well, like summer vacations and karate competitions).  I can't ask for all of them off, so I have to pick and choose.  It will be easy this time since we are just 30 minutes away at Big Ridge.  But other events won't be as easy.  For some of them I'll have to arrive on Sat afternoon to cook feast, and leave Fri night and Sat breakfast and lunch to somebody else.  For those events I can do alot of food prep at home so it won't be so time consuming for others to prepare food onsite.

Sometimes I think about my life and think "Oh my god, what the fuck am I doing?"  I start with the best intentions but manage to mess it up so often.  I make stuff so much harder than it should be.

I guess the weather is making me feel bleak and dour. 

1.  Still waiting for transcipts, apps, financial aid and what not for UTK.  I'll probably have my admission status next week.  I really just want to get to the good stuff (financial aid) so I can go ahead and make plans (i.e., resign from my job at the physical therapy clinic effective in January).  Should be eligible for lots of grants, some loans.  Don't care.  I'm ready to go into debt for a higher degree.

2.  So far I have officially lost 8 lbs.  Didn't lose any last week, but I did notice I've lost 2 inches from my waist since Sept 1.  I'm also fitting into smaller sized pants.  I bought a size 10, 8 and a 6.  They all fit. I was wearing a size 12 before.  

3.  Teaching is going really well.  I love academia!

Okay.  So I've pretty much decided that I want to go back to school.  I've started the application process.  I don't know if I'll enter in the spring (3 months from now) or in the fall.  I just have to see how the credits I've earned and the financial aid come together for me.  The good news is that Herb is going back too.  We both have flexible enough occupations that we can attend school and still manage to make a few bucks to pay the bills, and thank goodness we downsized and bought a smaller house in an "emerging" neighborhood because the mortgage is small and very manageable, definitely cheaper than renting an apartment. 

My teaching job is not a conflict at all.  I teach 2 nights per week and make a good hourly rate for doing that.  I can still do massages at $60/hr, maybe do 4-5 week.  That is still working less than 20 hours per week, which will leave me plenty of time for a full-time curriculum.

I plan to finish a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, then move straight on to grad school.  The BSN program at UT is very competitive.  You have to have a 3.2 GPA to get in, but the slots are so limited that only the highest GPAs get in.  I think the average GPA of students admitted last fall was around 3.6.  I have to fit in some pre-reqs in the Spring to apply for upper division admission in the Fall, because my Associates degree did not have a medical focus.  I have a 3.8 from my Associates, so I'll have to be sure to study hard and make good grades to ensure that I get into the Nursing program in Fall.  If I can't get in I'll go to Carson Newman or LMU and finish a BSN there.  But I really do want to finish at UT.  Carson Newman has the grad school program that I want. 

I figure in about 4 years we'll have finished our Master's programs and will have many, many more opportunities.  Not alot of time to invest when you consider I have about 35 more years of work left.  I would rather work at the top of my field than at the bottom for those years. 

Usually after I finish a big project and settle back into the norm of my daily routine, I get sort of panicky, like "This is it??"  I'm always looking for the next big project, the next creative outlet, the next goal.  For some reason, I'm never totally satisfied with exactly where I am, except for the times I'm working toward a goal.  Isn't that shitty?  Retirement is going to be a big let down.

So, since H. is looking into returning to school, I decided to do my personality type to see what kinds of things/jobs best suit me:

INFJ: "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1% of the total population. These are serious students and workers who really want to contribute. They are private and easily hurt. They make good spouses, but tend to be physically reserved. People often think they are psychic. They make good therapists, general practitioners, ministers, and so on.

Okay, so I'm already a "therapist", a massage therapist to be precise.  I'm now also a teacher to therapy students.  Being a "serious student" is interesting, because I always have been a serious student, and I would be a professional student if I didn't have a mortgage to pay and a daughter to put through college.  But I consider myself a lifelong student of many disciplines.  The "Author" at the top is rather interesting, because I'm always saying that I will one day write a book about massage therapy, even though I'm a terrible writer and lack patience to take on such a huge task.  I think I'm a good spouse as far as loyalty and love apply, but I do stretch myself too thin between work and mothering, and unintentionally make myself unavailable to my husband.  But nobody ever said life and marriage was easy.  Psychic?  No, I'm not, but I do have a good sense of what others are feeling, what their next move will be based on those feelings, etc.  I do have alot of those weird moments of thinking of something or someone and then crossing paths with them later that day.  I used to think that made me special, but then I realized everyone has those moments. 

Anyway, I always feel like I should be doing something more, something else, reaching toward another goal.  I do things like get a degree, go to work, then feel like I'm not finished.  Then I go get another degree, another job, then still feel unfinished.  Then I go get a teaching certificate, get a teaching job, and I'm barely into it and feel like I'm not finished.  I need to figure out a way to focus my energy and feel satisfied with myself because I can't keep going back to school. 

1.  Definitely lost 8 lbs on the digital scale.  It has been about 3.5 weeks.  My BMI has moved from "overweight" range (27) to right on the border of overweight/healthy (25) - at least on the chart at the clinic.  At any rate, both are successes for me.  A few more pounds lost and I will be on the other side of "healthy".

2.  Just wanted to vent a little about how lazy people can be - a few weeks ago I found an error on the Pooklet's payment for karate lessons.  They are auto-withrawn from our checking account each month.  I noticed that we had been double billed.  I called the karate academy and spoke to a young gentlemen at the front desk.  I explained my issue and he told me that his boss wouldn't be back until Monday, and could I call back then?  I asked if he could just take down my info and pass it on to his boss.  He told me it would be better if I called back on Monday.  Well, okay.  But aren't I the customer?  Haven't I done the appropriate thing by calling your company and informing you of the issue?  Are you asking me to do more work/take another step when you (the company) are standing there holding my extra $79?  Is that really good customer service?  If you are your boss' employee, how are you earning your paycheck if you can't take 5 seconds to write my name and number on a Post-it and stick it on your boss' desk?  

Anyhoo, a few weeks later I overheard our Marketing Director on the phone with one of our suppliers.  She didn't know the answer to the question he was asking, but somebody else did.  Could he call back tomorrow when she is there?  Seriously, a master's degree in business and marketing and she doesn't recognize that as bad customer service?  I understand not knowing an answer, or even passing on a phone number to someone who does, but asking them to call back on the off chance they'll get hold of the person who knows the answer?  That seems like asking the customer to take more steps, take more time out of their schedule, etc., when they've already done what a responsible customer/consumer should do.  How about being a responsible employee and just taking a fucking message??

So, that leads us to today.  And here is when I have to put my evil lady wart on.  The bratty kids from next door knocked on my door and asked if Selena was home.  I said "no", she was at karate.  Then they asked me if I could walk down the street and come and get them when she gets home so they could play with her!  I said "no" flatly, then shut the door.  Maybe I'm overreacting, but seriously, at this young age, when you want to play or be entertained are you so apathetic that you expect me to come retrieve you??  You want me to stop whatever I'm doing, walk 5 houses down, tell you that Selena is home and you can come over to play?  Lets not forget the part where they come over to my house to play and destroy it, won't play nice with each other, and in general deploy a plethora of bad manners (which is probably more my source of exasperation, but I digress)  Talk about not being accountable, not being proactive, and expecting other people to do the tiniest things for you!  They further pissed me off because I had been in the backyard when they were knocking on the door.  When I came back into the house I heard some knocking and then they jiggled the doorknob!!!!!!!!  If it had been unlocked would they have just walked in knowing I wasn't in the house???  They've done it before, walked right in when they knew I was home.  But today, I might have been gone and not just taking out the trash. 

So there.  I ranted.  Maybe I wasn't being fair. 

1.  Feeling a bit overwhelmed with my new schedule - teach at night Mon/Wed, work during the day Tues/Thurs/Fri, and teach a mini class on Sat morning 9-12.  I haven't quite gotten the hang of it.  My "free days" on Mon/Wed mornings and afternoons were supposed to be my time to do all the stuff I like to do (exercise, craft, read), but instead I've been cramming in school activities at my daughter's school, paying bills, and studying/researching for my lectures at night.  Several years ago when I worked a corporate job I had a poFranklin/Covey time organizationl class.  I haven't had to deploy much of those skills since leaving the corporate world, but I think I'm going to have to recall them to get my work life/home life to sync up  better.

2.  If I weigh myself in the morning the scale says I've lost 8-9 lbs (it isn't a digital scale, so the accuracy isn't there).  It is getting harder.  I 've been on my plan for 3 weeks and lost 5-6 lbs the first week, then 1 lb or so each week after that.  Slow and steady wins the race, I hope.  My clothes are definitely looser and baggier, though my waist circumference is still the same (I'm measuring the fattest part around the navel, as that is the most dangerous area to accumulate fat).  I'm wanting to lose about 5 inches around my waist and get in the healthy BMI range. 

Just had a playdate with one of the Pooklet's classmates.  Turns out the parents are geeks like us.  Not just "I play some computer games" geeky, but D&D/Larping/RenFaire geeky .  What are the chances of bumping into such parents at the PTA?

Four month old kittens are doing annoying things like peeing on my favorite chair and being really noisy at night.  They are female, and I thought that females didn't spray and mark territory like males.  I looked up some things on the internet and the possible problems could be:
                        a.  They are playing 'top cat" and trying to establish which one will be the alpha.
                        b.  They could be entering heat, which makes them loud, as well as peeing to attract a tomcat.
                        c.  They don't like their litter or litterbox.
                        d.  They see other cats through the window (we have some strays) and they are marking their territory to warn other cats.


I hate cat pee.  Rosie (our sweetie for many years) never sprayed or doodied anywhere except in her litterbox.  Anyhow, made appt to have the kittens spayed (should be at 6 months).  Today I am buying extra litterboxes so they can each have their own, and an extra in case we don't get around to cleaning the box as soon as they like.   I'm switching back to scoopable sand (I had switched to the crystals , which was awesome for odor control, but I see a connection to the beginning of the spraying behavior and me switching litter). 

Gawd.  My Saturday  will be spent dealing with pee and poop.

"Touchless" car washes suck.

1.  Student orientation went well.  Most of my students are mature adults and entering Massage Therapy as a second career.  I had to "dress professionally" and wore heel for the first time since my Grandmother's funeral over one year ago.  I wear heels about once a year, only for a couple of hours.  I'm really hardcore about good, supportive footwear and believe there is no room for compromise (I buy clothes at second-hand stores, but I'll spend $200 for a good pair of Merrills, Chacos, Danskos, New Balance, Saucony's, Brooks, etc.  Needless to day, my feet are still sore from wearing heels on Monday night.  I think this is probably the last time I'll wear heels in my entire life ever again.

2.  Ran in jog/walk intervals again this morning.  Yay me.  Hoping to weigh at least 1 pound less by next Monday.

1.  Weekend of doing nothing constructive = nice.

2.  Student orientation at the massage therapy school is tonight.  I'll meet my students for the first time.  I'm kind of nervous.

3.  I've lost 5 lbs by writing down everything I eat.  In two weeks I haven't had any fast food, I only ate a restaurant one time.  I haven't had any processed (fake) food except for whole wheat pasta and whole wheat english muffins.  Everything else I've eaten is a whole food.  No more than 2 oz of meat or cheese at a meal, and yes, I have been weighing my food and using measuring cups to size my portions.  I have found that while I have always eaten healthy food anyway that I've been eating 2-3x a healthy portion at lunch and dinner.   I've been down this road before, and the same old formula works better than everything else - in the words of my husband's old, crusty family doctor, Dr. Beam,  "Exercise more and quit eating so damn much."

4.  To add to the above success, I jogged again this morning.  My endurance is a bit low since  I have been very apathetic about running since getting stitches in my knee, but those came out in early July and can no longer be an excuse. I am supposed to run a 5k on November 15th.
So, good for me.  I'll do it again on Wednesday morning.